I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
