Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
