Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
