I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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