just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
