if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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