if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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