my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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