Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
