I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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