I wish I only lived at night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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