If i come over, it means nothing
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just cropdusted the office
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
