you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
