i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
