Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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