my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
