i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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