I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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