If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I faked an abortion last night.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
