I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
