Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
