I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
