I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
