What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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