why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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