He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
