We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
