At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
