ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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