Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
