Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
