I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
