what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
