i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
