we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
