i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
