he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
