I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
