Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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