My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
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Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
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I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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