Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never un-have a 4some
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize