Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
