Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
