I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
