Non-Jews are for practice
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
