I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
