i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
