i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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