I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
