i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
