Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
