I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
