You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
