my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
