she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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