sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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