dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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