One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
