theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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