I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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