so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Randomize
