Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
