Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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