There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
