How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
