After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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