im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
