Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
A bitchslap is in order.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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