What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
