Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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