Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
