Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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