fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
