Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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