from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
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remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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