Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
