You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
