found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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