I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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