so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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