Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Alive.
So much puke
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
