I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
