If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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